Sunday, March 02, 2008


House full of people and nothing I can do. No place to go, no space to call mine. Mil in the kitchen, ss in the living room, daughters up in the boys room/computer room, Son and Hubby in ours. The house is filled. There are a zillion cleaning things and projects I could do, but nope. Got myself all ready to be presentable today. I was suppose to take Elena to a birthday party so I figured I would hang out with my friend. She wound up with a fever, we're not going anywhere... My nephew is coming by sometime this afternoon. Don't know when so I keep watching for him. Waiting.. I don't see his mom often and I would like to not look like a wreck when I see her. ( Have certain clothes I wear just when I am doing cleaning or stuff around the house- they are not going out of the house things) So I wait, really can't start anything because the minute I do, someone needs something and I am pulled away from it. Not in the mood to get pulled away or to get into anything. I feel like I have been waiting for awhile now. Not just waiting on Jude, but like everything in my life is just on hold for the time being. Not long ago my dh even said something to me about it, it feels like we are waiting for something big to happen, but have no idea what it is..
There was a time in my life I was Not so patiently waiting. I even joined a Babycenter group with the title. At the time I was so anxious to have another baby and I knew I had at least another year to wait. These girls were in the same boat. (most of us go pg within weeks of each other)(Love you girls!)
But now I am waiting and surprisingly patiently waiting for my next step. What am I being led to do next. I feel like the little neighbor boy on The Incredibles when he looks at Mr incredible and when asked what is he looking at? He replies" I don't know I'm just waiting for something amazing.. I guess." I guess is right. I can only imagine what is in store for me. I hope it requires no more waiting though. I have been waiting for days when our family has appointments, waiting for the kids to have a full week of school again (then here comes spring break) waiting for mil to find a job (she's been unemployed for a month now) Waiting for hubby's body to heal. He sprained his ankle over a week ago and he got a vasectomy this past week, so he has been down and hurting for a few weeks. I am waiting for things to return to what they were. I am used to this house being mine. Having some time of the day where all is quiet and mine to do what I will.(without interruptions) I don't want to leave or do anything, I just want my house back! I thought I was supposed to go back to work, I had a job opportunity and never felt led to turn in my resume. I have been feeling like I need to work up a new budget for us though. Need to cut back on some spending happening lately. But when I think something is going to happen, it doesn't and here I sit and wait with this feeling like something is about to happen. What is it?? And will I know when it happens?


Happy2bme said...

I too have the same feeling sometimes about something is supposed to be happening but its not. If that makes any sense. Its an unexplainable feeling. I get it when my life is about to go through an unexplainable transition and then I don't realize what it is/was until after it happens and then the pace starts to pick up again.

KC said...

I would so like the kid to have a full week of school again.. Like you I miss the time of day in my house where it is MY TIME.. the kids are at school and Little Man is napping.. I can't seem to find that time since before the kids went on Christmas break.. and It looks like they won't have school tomorrow with this ice..